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The Evil, the Bad and the Ugly... An Evil Campaign for Dungeons and Dragons

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Inexplicably, last week's post on the 1984 controversy about running an evil campaign in AD&D turned out to be the most popular post I've ever written. Which is funny, because I wrote it merely as a preamble to my real topic... which is the evil campaign that some friends of mine and I played a couple years ago. Although our group rotates the role of Dungeon Master, it usually falls to me to write the introduction to every campaign... so without further ado, here is my introduction to our Very Evil Campaign, aka Down and Out with the Great Hood:



The Evil, the Bad and the Ugly

It is an evil time for those who love evil. How promising it had all appeared just a few months ago. The Land of the Flanaess was ignited in a war of shocking ferocity and bloodshed. The Great Kingdom, a powerful but decadent empire, had mustered her armies and attacked the civilized nations all around her. And that wasn't all: orcs flooded down the mountains in the South and barbarians swarmed from the North. Meanwhile, Iuz the Old (an evil dictator and so-called demigod) summoned a massive demon host with which to attack his enemies. Not that you were rooting for Iuz. As far as you are concerned, Iuz is nothing but an amateur.


Iuz the Old from Dragon #67
But it was a promising war nonetheless – Nyrond, the Kingdom that you inhabit, was devastated and then impoverished by the war against the Great Kingdom, and then riven in pieces by a costly civil war that followed on its heels. Banditry, starvation and lawlessness became the rule of the day. During this mayhem, the Great Hood saw his chance!

For that is the name of your Master, the Great Hood. He tells you that once he was a great lord in the court of the arch-lich Vecna. In ancient times, he had sat in council with the very Princes of Hell as Vecna laid his plans for the domination of all of Aerdy. The power of Vecna in those days was unimaginable – today’s armies are like children’s toys by comparison. And the Great Hood had a large share of this power. Very large. Vecna had promised him a vast dominion since Vecna saw in him a power, an intelligence and a propensity of evil that nearly rivalled Vecna’s own. In fact, it would be somewhat inaccurate to say that the Great Hood was Vecna’s subordinate – even Vecna realized that the Great Hood was more like a co-ruler since his necromantic powers were so great.
At that time, Iuz was just a boot-polisher in Vecna’s retinue. Did Vecna and the Hood mock Iuz? Only insofar that they noticed him, which of course they did not, since he was an inconsequential nobody.


Vecna the Lich
But all this ancient glory came to naught. Vecna was betrayed by his Sergeant-at-Arms, the vampire Kas. Some have said that Kas was Vecna’s second in command, but that is a gross exaggeration – the Great Hood occupied that position. In fact, Vecna told the Great Hood that he was to be Vecna’s only heir. If no one else knew about this designation, why should they? It was between Vecna and the Hood. And anyway, Vecna was called the God of Secrets for good reason – he didn’t throw that kind of information around. Which is to say: Kas was merely a foot soldier, a stupid drudge who betrayed Vecna and slew him with a black vorpal sword. This was a grievous betrayal, but it was followed by an even greater treachery – the Great Hood should have taken Vecna’s place, but instead he was robbed of his inheritance by a band of parasites like Iuz, Kas and Demogorgon. They cheated him, stole his power and deprived him of his station. Even thinking about it makes you angry.

Following the death of Vecna, the Great Hood spent long centuries in the dark places of the earth, quietly assembling the forces he would need to revenge himself on all those who injured him. During this time he transitioned from being a living necromancer to an undead lich and finally to a demilich, which is to say, to an incorporeal spirit bound to a few decayed bodily remains. In the Great Hood’s case, these remains are his left femur and his jawbone, which are generally kept for safekeeping in a terracotta urn. Despite all, his intellect was great as ever and his plans were of such excruciating brilliance that they could not fail to succeed. Except that time and time again his henchmen failed him through incompetence and cowardice. Is it any surprise that his name fell into obscurity and his most capable followers gradually abandoned him? What a miserable chronicle of failure the last few hundred years had become. Finally, the Great Hood was driven like a rat from one place to another, sometimes pursued by servants of the good gods, other times evicted from his lair by more powerful monsters. 


Kas the Betrayer
Thirty years ago, the Great Hood took a small keep in the hills of Nyrond as his abode. His brilliance in selecting this location was apparent after thirty years of solitude and privation, when Nyrond was plunged into the above noted struggle with the Great Kingdom. As the forces of order and justice disappeared from the countryside, the Great Hood saw the opportunity to reverse his fortunes. Raising up a mighty platoon of skeletons, he gradually began to accumulate greater wealth through extortion and banditry, until he was able to fortify his lair and assemble a formidable band of followers. That was when you came into his service.

What heady times! The King’s soldiers were nowhere to be seen. Most men of fighting age were warring in far distant battlefields. Only the old men and children were left, and they knew better than to take on the Great Hood. The Halfling settlement to the south of his lair (“the Canton”) was almost entirely subdued, as was the nearby town of Yort. The Great Hood’s keep (“the Mournhold”) was populated with monsters from far and wide, a menagerie whose diversity was a point of special pride for all of you. Were there not kobolds, umber hulks, black puddings and undead all cohabiting under the Great Hood’s awful banner? You all felt important and powerful, and the Great Hood made it known that soon we could begin his Ultimate Plan – the construction of a specially designed temple whose very architecture would channel unimaginable power into the Great Hood, finally restoring him to his true power.

That’s when things went pear shaped. The war against the Great Kingdom (called the “Greyhawk War” because the peace treaty was signed in the free city of Greyhawk) ended, and Nyrond’s civil war concluded in favour of the Good King Lynwerd. Rumour has even come to you that Iuz himself was destroyed with the help of a young band of heroes. A new dawn was coming. A bright, horrible dawn.


The Great Hood in all his glory
Although Nyrond was still impoverished, road-wardens and militiamen once again began to patrol the byways and towns. The townsmen of Yort began to mutter about a return of the King’s justice, and soon even the Halflings began to sass you whenever you rode through their land. As the Great Hood began to gather his forces for one final, decisive attack on Yort, he was ambushed in his own keep by a band of adventurers. The struggle was terrifying and bloody, with the band of warriors moving from one room to the next, inexorably slaying the inhabitants and searching them for treasure. The pit traps, the secret doors, the scary magic-mouths – all were no use.  They even slew Manty, your special manticore friend. The only reprieve from this horrible assault came when the adventurers would hunker down in one room to rest for eight hours, heal and re-memorize their spells.  

Finally, the team of do-gooders arrived in the Great Hood’s throne room: the Paladin Raymond Snowcape; Valence, the Priest of Heironymous; and Mandrake Mooncup, the Halfling Fighter. Your surrender was swift and total. In your mad rush to throw down your arms and beg for mercy, you are unsure what happened to the urn containing the Great Hood...






Design notes: This campaign occurs in the aftermath of The Greyhawk Wars. I chose the Greyhawk campaign setting because I wanted a world with lots of magic and an old-school feeling. It also let me freely draw on some iconic emblems of AD&D, like the Eye of Vecna and the Sword of Kas. 
As many have pointed out before, the problem with evil campaigns in general is that the parties are generally torn apart by the centrifugal power of selfishness and cruelty. In order to overcome this, we devised the idea that the characters are loyal lackeys of a Dark Lord in the mold of a Sauron or Vecna. This should keep them (somewhat) unified. However, the danger with having a powerful boss is that the characters may learn to depend upon his greater knowledge or power to extricate them from the perils of the campaign. In order to avoid this, we made the Great Hood a deeply weakened Dark Lord. He barely has enough power to manifest a spectral presence, let alone save the characters' bacon in a fight. 
Being servants to a useless Dark Lord has a lot of comic potential (not unlike the Dungeon Keeper games for the PC). And indeed, humour was a big part of our campaign, and kept our evil game from ever getting too dark or distasteful. The Great Hood himself was inspired as much by Sauron as by Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang. 
Our first adventure involved the characters escaping from the prison house at Yort and re-uniting with the Great Hood (i.e. an urn with the Great Hood's left femur and jawbone) in his hiding spot in the potato cellar of a local inn. It was the beginning of a long and hilarious set of adventures. I hope that perhaps this write-up inspires you to your own expedition into the heart of darkness...






Classic Monsters from Otherworld Miniatures

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A couple weeks ago I discovered lead rot on some classic Citadel hobgoblins stored in my attic. I've euthanized pets with less emotion than the pain involved in throwing out these hideously maimed miniatures. Never again, I vowed to myself. As a result, my energies have lately been spent on prepping and priming all my really old miniatures in hopes of protecting them against corrosion. And it's not fun to share pictures of primed miniatures. So in the meantime, I dug out some Otherworld miniatures that I painted a few years ago but never got around to posting. I hope you enjoy them: while you browse, I've got some spray-painting to do.

First up, we have the magnificent Otyugh, which is described by Gary Gygax in the Monster Manual (1979) as a garbage dweller, "eating dung, offal and carrion, as well as fresh meat when it is available" and "living in their piles of rubbish and droppings." Sculptor John Pickford went beyond your run-of-the-mill abomination and gave us a true horror: an anus dentatus









Otherworld Miniatures is a direct spiritual heir to the Citadel Miniatures of the golden age in the mid-1980's. Indeed, Otherworld's founder, Richard Scott, is the proud owner of the definitive collection of Citadel's short-lived but opulent range of licensed AD&D miniatures. In starting Otherworld in 2006, he created a line of miniatures that is clearly inspired by that early Citadel aesthetic: simple designs, rounded features, expressive faces, and a emphasis on gesture and character rather than action or violence. 

You see all these wonderful traits on display in the Evil High Priest, sculpted by Citadel alumnus Kev "Goblin Master" Adams:



Richard Scott himself has pointed out that the original Citadel AD&D range had a "definite 'UK flavour', featuring creatures from TSR UK's Fiend Folio [1981] such as Githyanki, Norkers, Meazels and Xvarts." This British influence continues in Otherworld's own offerings. Here are the delightful Meazels sculpted by Kev Adams:





One of the other things I like about Otherworld is that it covers many basic monsters that unglamorously populate every low-level dungeon such as giant ticks, violet fungi and stirges. For instance, here are Kev Adams'Fire Beetles:



Of course, sometimes it's nice to colour outside the lines. When it came to that most classic of monsters, the Gargoyle, I decided to try something a little different... I wanted to create a molten monster of hot, cracking stone and seeping lava. So here is one of the Otherworld Gargoyles sculpted by Paul Muller:



Hmmm. Perhaps that's no so successful. So for the second Gargoyle, and my last Otherworld miniature, I went back to basics:



What a great pose!

Let me know in the comments if you've painted any Otherworld Miniatures and if you like them as much as I do. Cheers!



Vengeance of the Lichemaster: Bagrian the Master of La Maisontaal

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The Vengeance of the Lichemasterfrom 1986 is a battle with everything: undead cavalry,  kung-fu monks, an Ark of the Covenant, the first appearance of the Skaven in print and a Dalek. It requires lots of rare Citadel miniatures, and I've just finished painting all of them. I'm happy to share the results with you over the next few weeks.


The Vengeance of the Lichemaster is the sequel to the three-battle campaign The Terror of the Lichemaster(1986) which was released by Games Workshop in a boxed set for Warhammer Fantasy Battle 2nd edition. Both were written by Rick Priestly. However, Vengeance wasn't a stand alone product but was published in that fabulous magazine, The Citadel Journal Spring 86. Vengeance provides one final battle for the Lichemaster Heinrich Kemler. But unlike Terror, which was a straightforward contest between the evil necromancer and the innocent denizens of the Frugelhorn Valley, Vengeance is a crazy three-way melee. The forces of the undead face off against a power hungry abbot and his magical monks, and both have to contend with a rampaging warband of chaos ratmen. Like any other ménage à trois, it will take up a whole afternoon and involve a lot of mess.

The scenario begins with the premise that the Heinrich Kemler successfully overcame the forces of goodness from Terror. He emerges from the Frugelhorn Valley with his undead army swollen with the freshly killed villagers and his magic powers surging to new heights. The next obstacle in his way is La Maisontaal, a monastery dedicated to the nature god Taal. Attacking this temple is especially important to the Kemler because its abbot, Bagrian, was once his collaborator back in the days when Kemler was a world-renowned master of the magical arts. However, when Kemler was branded as a heretic, weakened by his enemies and hunted across the Old World, Bagrian turned his back on him. Now that Kemler has recouped his strength, he is eager for vengeance.


Bagrian steals the Black Ark illustrated by Tony Ackland
However, when Kemler arrives at La Maisontaal, a surprise awaits him. The monastery is already aflame. A small army of Skaven have been attacking the compound all day long and are now gathering their forces for one last push. They are there because Bagrian stole something from them. He had sneaked into their hidden city, Skavenblight, and made off with one of their most holy artifacts, the Black Ark of the Covenant. After this outrage, armies of chaos ratmen had been fanning out across the land searching for the culprit. Now, finally, a Skaven wizard named Gnawdoom has pinpointed the location of the Ark with his magic seerstone. He will reclaim the Ark or die trying!

At the centre of this drama is the enigmatic figure of the abbot Bagrian. At first glance, we expect the monkish Bagrian to be a "good guy". However, on closer examination, he turns into a more ambiguous figure... a sort of mad scientist in the mold of Victor Frankenstein, C.A. Rotwang or Dr. No. And like the latter two gentlemen, he's suffered horrible injuries from his experiments leaving him with mechanical limbs (in Bagrian's case, he has a silver hand and metal plates over half of his body). And like any mad scientist worth his salt, Bagrian is obsessed with creating new life. 


In Bagrian's case, this is "the Mechanical Warrior", a metal golem with inhuman strength. Unfortunately, until now Bagrian has been unable to bring this metal shell to life. But that's why he stole the Black Ark of Skavenblight. This is "a huge chunk of solid warp-stone, pure chaos stuff that burns fiercely with its own black light" that's kept for safekeeping in a magic chest. Bagrian has been unable to open this magic chest. And he does not know that his assailant, the Skaven wizard Gnawdoom, is carrying the only key.


A detail from "Bagrian's Doom" by John Blanche, the cover art for The Citadel Journal 86

If Gnawdoom succeeds in retrieving the chest and revealing the Ark, all hell will break loose. Black lightening will flash from the artefact, incinerating his enemies. But a bolt of this energy may also strike the Mechanical Warrior... At that point, I think we can all hear Bagrian exclaim, "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!"

Here's my rendition of Bagrian:






His miniature was originally named "Seerstone" and was part of Citadel's C02 Wizards range sculpted in 1985 by Aly Morrison. I love his outstretched hand with its mechanical hand, and the imperious expression on his face. This is Aly Morrison at his best! You can also check out some other gorgeous renditions of Bagrian by Nico and Dral.

Stay tuned and in a few days we'll meet Bagrian's Mechanical Warrior, plus we'll examine one of the few miniatures ever sculpted by Rick Priestly.





 And you can see all of the miniatures from Terror of the Lichemaster here!



Vengeance of the Lichemaster: Wizard Monks and the Mechanical Warrior

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The next chapter in our tour through The Vengeance of the Lichemaster(1986) is a visit to the wizard monks of La Maisontaal. The Warhammer campaign written by Rick Priestly tells us that in addition to the Abbot Bagrian (featured last week), the monastery has five power magic users. 

Anyone looking to conjure up some Citadel wizards for an old-school scenario is spoiled for choice. One of the first, best and most under-used ranges in Citadel's early "C-Series" were the ranges of miniatures dedicated to various AD&D character classes: C03 clerics, C04 thieves, C07 rangers and (of course) C02 wizards. Most of the miniatures in these ranges were the work of the incomparable Bob Naismith, who has perhaps the most versatility of any of Citadel's classic sculptors. Unfortunately, as Warhammer 3rd edition (1987) shifted away from role-playing to focus exclusively on battles regulated by Warhammer Armies (1988), this deep fund of individualized characters was shunted to the side.

Well, Venegeance of the Lichemaster gave me an excuse to trawl through my old collection of wizards and pick some of my favourites for La Maisontaal.



First up is the C02 Wizard "Hansat" (aka "Mergrey Calchoner" from The Tragedy of McDeath) sculpted in 1985 by Aly Morrison. He's the only miniature specifically indicated as a wizard-monk for The Vengeance of the Lichemaster by the advert in the Spring Journal 86. I love this figure -- his bald head, unassuming dress and air of authority always reminded me of "Ogion the Silent", the wise mage from Ursula Le Guin's A Wizard of Earthsea (1968).



This is the C02 Wizard "Casslin Spellweaver" sculpted by Aly Morrison (1987). With this miniature, you can see the colour scheme I applied for these wizard monks. Vengeance of the Lichemaster tells us that mages of the god Taal generally wear red, so I made this the primary colour. But I also wanted to connect these wizard-monks to the monk side of the equation, so I painted their cowls/hoods in the homespun brown that I used for the habits of the regular brothers (which I'll show off in my next post).



Here is the C02 Wizard "Skrole" released in 1987 and sculpted (I presume) by Aly Morrison (Although I can't find any direct attribution to Morrison, the face and robes are distinctively in his style). This miniature is the perfect encapsulation of the harried apprentice. Originally, I wanted to paint him as somewhat fresh-faced, but sometimes the brush has a will of its own, and he came out as something more sinister. The circles under his eyes suggest that he has been spending some late nights reading books that ought not to be read.



This is the C02 Wizard "Spell Master" released in 1985. I'm not sure who the sculptor is, but I would guess either Aly Morrison or Bob Naismith. In any case, this seemingly simple figure has some charming touches. I love the way he arches backward from his hips, giving even more power to his pointing hand.



Now this miniature is a bit of a mystery. I call him "Le Grand Sorcier" for lack of any official designation. He appeared under that name in Dave Andrew's iconic Bretonnian Army on page 62 of Warhammer Armies (1988). And his tab indicates that he's a Citadel sculpt. But I have been completely unable to trace the miniature to any catalog or listing on The Stuff of Legends. If you have any insights about this miniature's provenance or sculptor, please leave a comment!

By the way, on this miniature, you can clearly make out the crescent moon medallion that I tried to incorporate into all these wizard monks (including Bagrian) in order to tie them all together and associate them with the nature god Taal.

The final elements for the wizard monks of La Maisontaal are their magical treasures: the Mechanical Warrior that the abbot has constructed and the Black Ark of the Covenant that he stole in order to give life to his metal man. Unfortunately, the Citadel design team did not designate special miniatures for this either, which was a sadly missed opportunity to do something fun. However, if you look carefully at the sheet of paper counters supplied for Vengeance of the Lichemaster, however, you can see what the illustrator Tony Ackland had in mind:


Yes, the Mechanical Warrior is quite Dalek-like, although the gunstick (aka Dalek machine gun) seems to be missing.



In any case, I decided to go my own way for the Mechanical Warrior and used a converted version of "Jackbot B", which was one of the Bots released by Citadel in 1986 for the Paranoiarole-playing game. This design seemed to be both brawny and goofy, which is more or less what the situation calls for.



And to portray the Black Ark of the Convenant, the casket of warpstone that can activate the Mechanical Warrior, I chose one of Citadel's C39 Treasure Chests (1984). I love this range because they are the only miniatures that I'm aware of that were sculpted by game designer and scribe Rick Priestly. With its hawk heads (or are they hieracosphinxes?), this particular chest reminded me of the cherubim on biblical ark. 

Rick Priestly as a scribe from Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay (1986)

Vengeance of the Lichemaster: Warrior Monks of La Maisontaal

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What's that? You want more obscure Citadel miniatures to populate the Vengeance of the Lichemaster? Have you done your chores? Have you watered the gimp? Walked the polyp? Recited the Litany Against Fear? Well OK then. You deserve this.

Last week we looked at the Wizard Monks of La Maisontaal, the monastery dedicated to Taal that lies at the heart of the Vengeance of the Lichemaster scenario from 1986. In addition to his five magic users, Bagrian the Abbot also has a complement of twelve Warrior Monks. The scenario (by Rick Priestly) tells us that "The warrior monks of Taal are young monks not yet judged able to progress to magical tuition. However, they are by no means ordinary men. Years of mental preparation and study on the martial arts has given them considerable fighting abilities as well as unusual mental fortitude."


As with the Wizard Monks, the Warrior Monks provides a great excuse to delve into Citadel's extensive back-catalog of Clerics that flourished from 1983-1986.





First up is the C03 Cleric "Ivory Temple" sculpted by Bob Naismith in 1985. He's distinctive for his detailed facial expression and the gorgeous temple carved into his shield. This is also the only miniature specifically portrayed as a Warrior Monk in the advert for The Vengeance of the Lichemaster, which means that he can be hotly demanded on eBay.


In painting his shield (which seems to represent La Maisontaal itself), I kept thinking of the religious art at my local gallery, the Art Gallery of Ontario. Specifically, I was drawn to the brilliant gold skies in works like "The Vision of St. Benedict: by Giovanni del Biondo (1330-1398):



I also wanted to try to conjure up a mystical sense of an otherworldly place. Luckily the technique is pretty simple: a nice smooth coat of gold paint without any highlights or shading as the sky, contrasted to an earthy foreground.




Above we have the "monk" from the C46 Townsfolk range sculpted by Trish Morrison in 1985. Do you love or hate Trish's work? This sculpt certainly bears her stamp: the malformed face (in this case, no chin, wide eyes and huge ears) plus disproportionate man-hands. And yet, for all its seeming ineptness, her work captures the same charming ugliness that we see in the peasant faces of Bruegel or Bosch. For instance, here's a detail from Bruegel the Elder's "Peasant Wedding" (1567):



Say what you will about Trish's sculpting style, but it's distinctive. And that counts for a lot in my book.




Here is the "Friar" from the C03 Cleric released by Citadel in 1983, sculptor unknown (although I suspect it's Bob Naismith). I love the simplicity of these early solid-base sculpts. There aren't so many buckles, scabbards, pouches, straps, skulls jewels or scrolls, leaving greater focus on the face.




This is the C03 Cleric "Warrior Monk" from 1983. He shows off the classic Citadel sense of humour: a round, friendly face leaning forward in front, belied by a club clutched in the rear. Of course, there is good historical evidence for this sort of pose:



The above illumination is from MS Bodley 265 (14th century) in the Bodleian Library (Browse the entire manuscript here and hat tip to the Minnesotastan for the image).



Above is the C03 Cleric "Black Brotherhood" sculpted by Bob Naismith in 1985. Compare this with the last couple monks and you can see the way that Citadel miniatures grew more detailed from '83 to '85. But their poses also grew more dynamic (Although it's unclear why he's raising his shield like that. Perhaps he senses that somebody is about to throw a vase at him from somewhere behind him?)





As our last miniature today, here's the C03 Cleric "Red Robe"sculpted by Bob Naismith in 1985. This Cleric adventurer has a great sense of forward momentum, complemented by a determined face.





Stay tuned for next week, when we'll look at the rest of the Warrior Monks, including their leader, standard bearer and musician.

Vengeance of the Lichemaster: Mo' Monks of Maisontaal

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Here's my completed unit of Oldhammer monks. The impetus for them, of course, is my ongoing project: assembling all the miniatures for Vengeance of the Lichemasterfrom 1986. However, my ambitions for this unit stretch beyond this one scenario. As I painted all these twelve brothers, I was scheming about all the other ways I could use them. For me, this is one of the great pleasures of wargaming: doubling (or tripling) up on your ways to play with the miniatures that you paint. It makes me feel rich.



For instance, these monks could munch a little ergot fungus and turn into flagellants for my 3rd edition Empire army. This is an army chiefly composed of odds and sods like the militia that I painted for Terror of the Lichemaster or some men-at-arms from Advanced Heroquest. A unit of "Fleglers" will fill out this force nicely. 

I'd also like to put these monks to use in Saga. In fact, I've already used some of these monks in my Saga scenario, The Battle of Wretched Heathen Peoples. But, in that scenario, the monks were only food to be eaten by a horde of zombies. They were quite good at that modest task. But now that I've painted an large force, I could use them as a unit in and of themselves... perhaps a unit of 12 Norman levies or some equivalent force of shoddy fighters.

And then, of course, there's Mordheim or Frostgrave, where a tonsured warband would fit right in, perhaps with some help from my wizard monks. So many possibilities! 

Anyway, last week I profiled the first half of my monks - let's look at the other six now...



Above we have Citadel's accurately named "Cleric" from the C03 Cleric range. With his stately gait and imposing belly, I see him as the leader of the monks of La Maisontaal.




Behold "Brother Coth" from the C03 Cleric range (1986). I love this miniature. Never has anyone brandished a toilet plunger with more grit and determination. He'll pump the devil's filth back into the cesspits of Hell.


Or perhaps that's a bell. In which case, Brother Coth becomes the musician of my monk unit.



Above is the standard bearer of the monks of La Maisontaal. He (or she?) was sculpted in 1985 by Bob Naismith and listed in the Citadel catalogues as the C03 "Ancient Word Female". I don't get an overwhelming vibe of femininity from this miniature, do you? But it's hard to tell under that unisex chainmail sarong.

In any case, I converted the miniature's staff into a flagpole, and then used the waterslide Breton Banner from Little Big Men Studios. Normally, I like to paint my own banners, but I got into the habit of using LBMS for my Saga warbands, and since I want to insert these monks in that game, it seemed smart to once again use one of LBMS's fabulous flags. I picked the Breton banner carefully: I figured that the central cross can stand for Christ or the "t" in Taal. Cunning!




Here we have the C03 "Wizened Priest" from 1985. I love this miniature because his bare shoulder and wizened chest create such a distinct impression of naked-old-man-flesh: the texture like folds of raw chicken skin, the colour brown and molted, the ever-so-slight pear shape in the hips. This sculpture (which must be by Bob Naismith) reminds me of one of Lucian Freud's self portraits:



Lucian Freud, “Painter Working, Reflection," 1993

Boy, I can't wait to age.



For something a little more youthful, here is the C03 Cleric "St. Ogg" from 1986.




And finally, above is "the Monk" sculpted in 1985 by Aly Morrison. He migrates into this unit from my collection of Talisman miniatures. Aly is a master. Just look at that benign expression and that big, bloody mace that he's dragging behind him.


Well, thanks for stopping by! Next week, we'll turn to the bane of these intrepid monastics: the Skaven army from Vengeance of the Lichemaster...





Skaven: the Origin of the Species

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The first time the Skaven appeared in print was in 1986 in the Citadel Spring Journal 86. The Chaos Ratmen debuted as one of the three antagonists in the scenario "Vengeance of the Lichemaster" by Rick Priestly, and then got their own article by their creator, designer and sculptor, Jes Goodwin




Reading Goodwin's article now, it is amazing how completely realized the Skaven mythology was at the moment of its inception. It's like Athena bursting full grown from the head of Zeus, if Athena was an anthropomorphic rat and Zeus was a 26 year-old from Essex. All the iconic elements of the Ratmen were there from the beginning: the clans (Eshin, Skyre, Pestilens and Moulder), the addiction to Warpstone, the plague monks, the screamingbells, the skavenslaves and the 13 Lords of Decay. Goodwin has said that he collaborated with Rick Priestly on this background, but his achievement is still astounding in its audacity and longevity. His article formed the blueprint (with little variation) for what the Skaven would be for the next 30 years.

What gave Goodwin's initial vision for the Skaven so much power? I think the answer has to be the complexity of the Skaven. Physically, one Ratman pretty much looks like another Ratman. But socially, the Skaven were imbued with diversity and depth unlike anything that the Warhammer world has seen before. 


From the Citadel Spring Journal 86

For instance, the Skaven present a twisted mirror image of monkhood. They have their "Plague monks" worshiping  "the Horned Rat" and swinging "plague censors" and hauling their unholy "screaming bells". But the Skaven are not limited to this Christian religious imagery. They also have a Middle-Eastern streak, with jezzail rifles from Afghanistan, Assassins like the Syrian Hashishin, not to mention a tribal structure and a slave caste.

On top of this is Skaven technology. But even this is complex. On the one hand, you have the genetic manipulation and breeding programs of Clan Moulder, creating post-apocalyptic monsters like Rat Ogres and Wolf Rats. And on the other hand, you have the cadre of Warplock Engineers, who anticipated Steampunk with their devices of tubing and brass. The imagery behind the Engineers is specially rich: their flame throwers and gas masks evoke the worst horrors of World War One.


From the Citadel Spring Journal 86

I could go on with other strange elements of Skaven society: the Grey Seers, the White Rats, the worship of chaos. All these disparate elements prevent the Skaven from being reduced to one simple idea (like ratmen being a straightforward symbol of urban decay). At the same time, Jes Goodwin's powers as a designer (and sculptor) were so strong that he could unify this crazy quiltwork into one coherent vision. The Skaven of his illustrations and models all share an indelible stamp.


"Splinter" by Kevin Eastman (1984)
It's hard to capture the essence of this style in a few words. Goodwin's Skaven are neither lanky (like the original Were-Rats), nor muscular (like Citadel's Beastmen). Instead, they are short and almost pudgy. This might not seem menacing except for their clothes. Man/animal hybrids in fantasy games tend toward nakedness, but Goodwin chose to cover his brood in clothing: cowls, hoods, and robes, the more tattered and dirty, the better. In this sense, the his Skaven conjure up one of the most fearful specters of all: the specter of poverty. 

The miniatures are carved with lots of texture and deep recesses, creating plenty of room for shadow and contrast when they're ultimately painted. This chiaroscuroaesthetic (not to mention the tattered robes) betrays a deep debt to Splinter, the mutant rat from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1984). But when the Skaven's alien armour and strange face-masks are added to the mix, the result is unique and unforgettable.

The success of Goodwin's early Skaven sculptures is born out by the fact that (like his mythology) they changed so little over the years. In the mid-to-late 1980's, Citadel churned out hundred and hundred of fantasy miniatures, constantly pushing old models into obsolescence. But not the Skaven. From 1986 to 1992, they range stayed almost exactly as it appeared in the Citadel Journal 1986. It was only in 1993 that radically new designs appeared, and even then the original sculpts persisted here and there into the new millennium. 

Next week, we'll take a closer look at some of these Skaven miniatures - namely, the ones that feature in Vengeance of the Lichemaster...






Vengeance of the Lichemaster: Gnawdoom and his Skaven

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Gnawdoom the Grey Seer and Throt the Unclean are the two heroes who lead the Skaven forces in the scenario Vengeance of the Lichemaster (1986). They're assisted by two champions, Flench Packlord and Iron Wielder, plus a Skaven Flamerthrower Crew. Today I've got painted versions of all these miniatures.

The brief for the Skaven player in Vengeance of the Lichemaster tells the story from the ratmen's perspective. This background is worth quoting at length because it reveals some very special about the religious practices of the Skaven:
Last month, during the annual Great Feast of the Horned Rat, an enemy entered the city of Skavenblight, wormed his way into the ceremony itself and, during the sacred dedication to the Horned Rat, stole the Awesome Black Ark. Bounding onto the dais before the shimmering apparition of the Chaos God, a magically disguised figure was seen to leap towards the casket containing the Ark, at which moment the intruder and the Ark both vanished into thin air. The Skaven were momentarily frozen with astonishment as well as suffering the indignity of being caught looking the other way whilst bent double and baring their hairy buttocks (the traditional salutation to the Horned Rat at this time)...  
[Rick Priestly, Citadel Spring Journal 86, page 61]
The Skaven's anal salute carries an echo of the osculum infameor "shameful kiss" that witches were supposed to bestow on the Devil's fundament during their Black Masses. As one accused witch, Isobel Gowdie of Auldearne said in 1662, "Sometym he [the devil] vold be lyk...a dowg, and he vold hold wp his taill wntill we wold kiss his arce." For the Skaven, however, the situation is reversed, and they bare their buttocks to the apparition of their Lord. Unclear whether, in return, the Horned Rat gives them each a smootch.


 Woodcut from Guazzo's Compendium Maleficarum (1608)

In any case, the thief who caught the Skaven with their pants down is, of course, the wizard Bagrian. The brief goes on to describe how the Skaven player controls one of the many search parties sent out to recover the Black Ark. Gnawdoom has used his magical orb, the Seerstone, to track Bagrian to the monastery of La Maisontaal. The table is set for a grand battle...


Gnawdoom, Skaven C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)


Above is Gnawdoom the Grey Seer from Citadel's C47 Skaven range, sculpted by Jes Goodwin in 1986. I painted him to resemble the illustration by John Blanche on the cover of The Citadel Journal Spring 86.




 I particularly enjoyed painting his grotty robe...



I love Goodwin's notion that white Skaven have a special place of prominence. As he wrote in his article introducing the Skaven: "The Grey Seers are extremely important and influential Skaven and would only rarely involve themselves in anything other than the most important conflict." Gnawdoom is distinguished by the fact that he carries the glowing Seerstone, which glows brighter as it approaches the Black Ark of the Covenant. He also carries a small triangular "key" of warpstone, which is the only way to open the Ark and activate it's awesome powers.


Throt the Unclean, Skaven C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Above is the second in command of the Skaven war-party: Throt the Unclean (C47 sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1986). Throt is a mutant with three arms and "a warpstone charm replacing one of his beady red eyes... this glows bright scarlet in the dark and whilst Throt is amongst the bloodlust of combat." I love his man catcher -- I can just imagine Throt snaring an opponent with this pole-arm and than using the knife in his third hand to finish the unfortunate victim.


Flench Packlord, Skaven C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Here is Flench Packlord (C47 sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1986). Flench is the first of the two Skaven champions.


Malis Manwrack, Skaven C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

And above is the Skaven champion called Iron Wielder in Vengeance, or Malis Manwrack in the Citadel catalogues (C47 sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1986). He's one of the classic Skaven leaders and is a staple in nearly every Skaven army from the 1980's.


Skaven Warpfire Thrower, Skaven C22 C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Finally, we have the Skaven Warpfire Thrower Team that accompanies Gnawdoom on his mission. The Citadel Journal gives the name of these two incendiaries as Scathe the Tainted and Flem (C22 and C27 sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1986). There's a lot of detail packed into these two miniatures.

Skaven Warpfire Team, Skaven C22 C47 (Citadel, Jes Goodwin, 1986)




Thanks for dropping by! Next week we'll look at the rank-and-file in Gnawdoom's Skaven warband. 





How many miniatures did you paint this year?

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I tried to be disciplined this year and keep track of how many miniatures I painted over the course of 2017. After just completing the reckoning, I find the grand total is 220 miniatures. This result astounded me because I thought my powers were ebbing. My eyes are not as strong as they were (I think I've mentioned before that I'm now using reading glasses when I paint), and my ability to concentrate on painting for long, unbroken periods is much decreased. I used to be able to do a three hour session standing on my head, but now if I do a solid 75 minutes at a time I'm happy with myself.



I'm also in a perpetual feud with my brushes, with 2017 being an especially acrimonious year. Do any of you other painters out there have a love/hate relationship with your brushes? I use Winsor & Newton's Miniature Series 7, which are not cheap and can only be found in one nearby store (and even then they are only in stock about 1/3 of the time). When I break out a new brush, there's at least a 50% chance that within a couple hours I'll find that it's just got the wrong personality for me, and I will unceremoniously dump it. I'm neurotically fussy about the tip -- it has to have the breadth to hold a large quantity of paint, a fine point to execute detail, and a plump midsection so that it can deliver a solid line when I exert an added lick of pressure. 

And even if I do find the right brush, I start to abuse it. For instance, I often mix paint with the brush, smooshing the bristles. Any experienced painter will say this is a big no-no. But I do it anyway. Who has time to fiddle around with toothpicks every time your need to blend colours on the fly? And so as my brushes wear and age, their ability to apply paint gets more and more eccentric. And I grow resentful. This all got especially bad in 2017, when I clung for much too long to my old, mistreated brushes rather than going through the rigmarole of breaking in new ones. I despised those scraggly wrecks, but wouldn't let them go. It's like the old poem by Catullus: I love and I hate. Why do I bother, you ask? I'm not sure. But I feel it and I'm tortured. 

Well, in the autumn I finally got new brushes, threw most of them away after a couple hours and kept the best of a bad lot. And I still hate 'em, the limp bastards. It's all pathetic and dysfunctional. And yet, together, my brushes and I still managed to pump out 220 miniatures.



So what did I paint in 2017? Here's the detailed breakdown:


31 Star Wars Imperial Assault miniatures from Jabba's Realm (Fantasy Flight Games)

2 Desert Skiffs for Star Wars Imperial Assault

1 Cthulhu investigator (Copplestone Castings)

42 Zombies (Gripping Beast, sculpted by Bob Naismith)

16 Zombies for Black Plague (Cool Mini or Not)

20 Zombie Wolves for Black Plague Wulfsburg (Cool Mini or Not)

4 Zombie Abominations for Black Plague (Cool Mini or Not)

18 Oldhammer Monks/Clerics for Vengeance of the Lichemaster (Citadel)

5 Oldhammer Villagers (Citadel)

4 Oldhammer Orc Warriors (Citadel)

10 Oldhammer Mutant Goblins (Citadel)

8 Oldhammer Citadel Goblins (Citadel)

10 Oldhammer Undead Cavalry 
(Citadel)

3 Oldhammer Skaven heroes 
(Citadel)

1 Oldhammer Wyvern with Rider 
(Citadel)

1 Oldhammer Giant 
(Citadel)

1 Oldhammer Ringwraith on Foot 
(Citadel)

10 Oldhammer Hobhounds (Citadel)

5 Characters models for Fallout (Fantasy Flight Games)

3 Cthuloid Horrors for Mansions of Madness (Fantasy Flight Games)

25 Orcs from Harboth's Black Mountain Boys (Citadel)


Although this may sound like a lot, my tally involves a lot of quick line-painting, like the zombies, the Black Mountain Boys and the hobounds. The figures I'm most proud of, I think, are the character models for Vengeance of the Lichemaster. I am also extremely happy that I finally got around to painting the Chaos Mutant Goblins from the 1980's. I've had them primed for years and could never find the right time to paint them. Now their spirits can no longer accuse me of neglect. 

So what about your? How many miniatures did you paint in 2017? Are you happy with your output? Do you loathe your brushes? 


Happy New Year!



Vengeance of the Lichemaster: the Skaven Warband

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Behold the Skaven warband of the Grey Seer Gnawdoom, one of the principle antagonists in the classic Warhammer scenario Vengeance of the Lichemaster. Regular readers will know that I'm methodically (i.e. slowly) profiling all the Citadel miniatures needed to recreate this wonderful battle.

I painted most of these Skaven models years ago in order to populate my copy of Advanced Heroquest. As a result, I'm not sure I love all my work. Even now I'm niggled by the suspicion that I've never really "gotten" how to paint the chaos ratmen. I've bought used Skaven on eBay that were clearly painted in speed mode, with rapid and dramatic drybrushing -- and yet these fast and dirty versions seemed to capture more of the old-timey Skaven essence than my time-consuming and painstaking style. Oh well - sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.

Well, without further ado, here they are:


"Skreth the Ironclad" (Citadel C47 Skaven, sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1987)

Above is "Skreth the Ironclad" (C47 Skaven, sculpted by Jes Goodwin, 1987). This is one of my all time favourite Skaven sculpts. I love his chainmail face-mask, and long, jezzail-style rifle.


"Goar Headwrecker" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Here we have "Goar Headwrecker" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986). Even though this is only a rank-and-file model, you can see all of Goodwin's talents on full display: a dynamic and almost geometrical pose, fascinating details and a general sense of ratty menace.


"Goar Headwrecker" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986) conversion

This is my simple conversion of "Goar Headwrecker" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986), substituting a cleaver for the original's spiked mace.


"Ashish the Black" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Above is one of the original gutter-runners, "Ashish the Black" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986). His name is a not-so-veiled reference to the hashishi, the Islamic cult that gave us the word assassin. 


"Carver" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Here is "Carver" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986).


"Nightrunner" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Another classic assassin is "Nightrunner" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986). Again, I love how Goodwin composed these models. Their geometry seems to evoke a swastika or throwing star -- either way, it reflects the nasty and deadly nature of the Skaven.


"Spyker" (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1987)

This is "Spyker" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1987).


"Spyne Blightmaster" Plague Monk (Citadel C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986)

Finally, we have the original Plague Monk, "Spyne Blightmaster" (C47 Skaven, Jes Goodwin, 1986). This model is a superb distillation of Goodwin's creative powers. I just love the way the cowl covers his eyes (does he have eyes?), not to mention the strange spines growing from his back. Well, we already know the Skaven have some pretty unsavoury religious practices.

Here's another shot of the whole lot marching out for battle with the Warlord Throt the Unclean at their head. 




Thanks for looking! Next week we'll be turning to the undead cavalry of the Lichemaster Heinrich Kemmler.


Undead Cavalry for Vengeance of the Lichemaster part 1

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Three armies face off at the monastery of La Maisontaal in Vengeance of the Lichemaster (1986). We've already looked at the monks of Abbot Bagrian and the Skaven warband of Gnawdoom. The third army and last force belongs to the Lichemaster himself, Heinrich Kemler. In almost every respect, army of this powerful necromancer is identical to the one that he fielded in the Battle of Frugelhofen (which is the climatic battle that ended Terror of the Lichemaster, which precedes Vengeance of the Lichemaster). Kemler's line of battle includes:


There is, however, one important addition to Kemler's roster. It's not a unit or a hero, or even a new magic weapon. It is a spell. As the undead Lichemaster slays the hapless residents of the Frugelhorn Valley, he recuperates the vast magic powers that he once possessed as a living mage. Just in time for the Battle of La Maisontaal, he regains mastery of the spell Summon Undead. But what's more, there is a new modification to this spell. For the first time in 2nd Edition Warhammer Fantasy Battle, Summon Undead can be used to conjure up undead cavalry. This will let Kemler raise some much needed mobility for his army of slow moving zombies.

The Citadel Journal Spring 86, the same magazine that published Vengeance of the Lichemaster and the modification to Summon Undead, also introduced a new line of Undead Cavalry miniatures sculpted by Bob Naismith. HOW CONVENIENT!

Well, this week and next week, let's take a look at some of the miniatures I painted for the Lichemaster's stable of death riders...




Above is "Goreprow" riding on "Bones" (C21 Undead Cavalry, Citadel, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986). He's the skeleton featured on the advert for Vengeance of the Lichemaster in the Citadel Spring Journal 86. This is just a great miniature. I love the way his robes seem to trail off into smoke or spectral ectoplasm. You can see that I tried to accentuate this effect with a judicious use of bright green paint.




Next is "Doomsmile" (C21 Undead Cavalry, Citadel, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986). When the Lichemaster was handing out scary names to his henchmen, Doomsmile was near the back of the line. Like "Goreprow" he's riding an excellent skeletal horse. At the time, the slender nature of these steeds required some significant technical advances pioneered by Naismith (as detailed in the introduction to the C21 range).




Here's my slightly converted version of "Doomsmile" (C21 Undead Cavalry, Citadel, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986) riding on the steed "Lizardskin". For those of you who care about these things, he's bearing a standard that reads "Out of the Tomb".




Above is "Death Dart" (C21 Undead Cavalry, Citadel, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986). I love the sense of movement in his horse. He really does seem to be darting forward.




And finally, my favourite is "Deathheart" (C21 Undead Cavalry, Citadel, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986). For me this miniature really captures the essential creepiness of this range: the slouching, plodding determination of both horse and rider. I'm happy with the way that the horse's many wounds turned out - I feel like he was well picked over by the ravens before being raised up to bear Deathheart. 





Thanks for looking. Next week we'll finish off Vengeance of the Lichemaster by looking at the last four skeleton cavalry in Kemler's force.





Undead Cavalry for Vengeance of the Lichemaster part 2

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The skeletal horseman produced by Citadel in 1986 are badass miniatures. As my final installment of my tour through The Vengeance of the Lichemaster, here are the final five Undead Cavalry that I painted for the army of the Lichemaster himself, Heinrich Kemler (the first five death riders are here).


Dead dudes riding horses is a an old and scary image in European folklore. For example, Germany, Scandinavia and Britain have all given us variations on the legend of the "Wild Hunt", a collection of ghostly horseman that may be led by the Devil, a dead king or a god like Odin. A spectral hunt like this is mentioned as an ill-omen in medieval English manuscript, the PeterboroughChronicle (1122-1154):
...several persons [in 1127] saw and heard many huntsmen hunting. The hunters were swarthy, and huge, and ugly; and their hounds were all black, and wide-eyed, and ugly. And they rode on black horses, and black he-goats. This was seen in the very deer-park in the town of Peterborough, and in all the woods from the same town as far as Stamford. (Laud Misc. 636, Bodleian)
Other ghost riders include Celtic headless horsemen, the Dutch Bokkenrijder, and fairy riders like the Green Knight. But I think the well-spring for the image of a sinister skeleton riding a horse is the Bible. To be more specific, it's the Book of Revelation, where John of Patmos describes Death incarnate as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:  
And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. 
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. (Revelation 6:7-8, KJV)
This brief description gave way to a host of medieval and renaissance art imagining Death as a skeletal rider. Here are three choice examples:





From left to right we have details from Book of Hours, Yates Thompson 6 MS, Naples, 1477; Book of Hours, Comites Latentes 54 MS, Florence, 1470-1480; and The Apocalypse Tapestry, Paris, 1377–1382.

Deathly riders passed from folklore and art, and into the world of modern fantasy literature with such works as Tolkien's Lord of the Rings (1954). There we get two different flavours of undead cavalry. On the one hand, you have the iconic Black Riders slouching and hooded on their evil steeds:
Round the corner came a black horse, no hobbit-pony but a full-sized horse; and on it sat a large man, who seemed to crouch in the saddle, wrapped in a great black cloak and hood, so that only his boots in the high stirrups showed below; his face was shadowed and invisible. (The Fellowship of the Ring, Book I, Chapter 3)
And on the other hand, you have the Dead Men of Dunharrow: this is the ghostly host of ancient oathbreakers that Aragorn summons to his aid for the War of the Last Alliance. Tolkien is too good a writer to give us too much of a description of these ghosts, instead leaving them to the reader's imagination. All we really get is Legolas's statement as he emerges from the tombs beneath the White Mountains:
'The Dead are following,’ said Legolas. ‘I see shapes of Men and of horses, and pale banners like shreds of cloud, and spears like winter-thickets on a misty night. The Dead are following.’ (The Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 2)
It seems to me that both the Dead Men of Dunharrow and the Black Riders owe a lot to the Wild Hunt. With respect to the Dead Men of Dunharrow, the resemblances include the fact that the Wild Hunt is sometimes said to be led by a great King, like King Arthur or Fredrick Barbarossa; and in other versions of the story, it is populated by wrongdoers or criminals who are cursed by their crime to ride without rest. 


The connection between the Wild Hunt and the Black Riders is also pretty clear: sinister horsemen who hunt across the wild places of the earth in search of some mysterious game. In fact, the description of the black hunstmen in the Peterborough Chronicle that I cited before seems like an inspiration for the Black Riders (except that the Nazgul don't ride goats). In any case, I think it's interesting that Tolkien seems to have been influenced by the myth of the Wild Hunt, but used it to create two totally different species of deathly horseman.

Well, on to the miniatures!




While I mainly used the Citadel C21 range of Undead Cavalry for the Lichemaster's forces, I also wanted an excuse to paint some of the gorgeous miniatures for Citadel's 1980's Lord of the Rings range. 


Above is the mounted "Dead Man of Dunharrow" (Citadel ME72, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1985). Although it hard to find precise information about who sculpted Citadel's 1980's Lord of the Rings range, I'm confident in attributing this one to Bob Naismith. First, it looks like a Naismith, and second, the Citadel Journal Spring 86 mentions that Naismith created the Middle Earth cavalry (and, I suspect, sculpted most of the other miniatures in the range too). In any case, this is a fantastic sculpt. I love the slouching rider and the way he seems to lean on his spear like an old man gripping a staff.




Here's the "Black Rider" (Citadel ME64, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1985). Once again, Naismith (Citadel's "most outrageously Scottish designer") has nailed it. Don't you love the way the dagger is held aloft in an invisible hand?





Next comes the alternate "Black Rider" (Citadel ME64, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1985). This model has a spectacular sense of speed. I tried to accentuate this galloping sensation by adding in a set of reigns (which I modelled from the thin metallic wire that you find on some bottles of Rioja - as if i needed another excuse to drink more Rioja.) 





The above model goes by two names depending on which advert you examine: "Elfcleaver" or "Serratus the Reaper" (Citadel C21 Undead Cavalry, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1986). He's another fascinating model - I love the way he leans on one side of the horse, as if his rotting corpus can barely keep itself in the saddle. For reasons that are still not clear to me, I gave his robe a saucy striped pattern.





And finally, we have "Leopold the Exhumed" 
(Citadel C21 Undead Cavalry, sculpted by Bob Naismith, 1987). This model features another one of Naismith's fantastic skeletal horses - this one has ox-like characteristics like a heavy skull and stubby horns.

And here are all 10 models arraigned for battle...





Thanks for stopping by!



Emperor Palpatine, Ahsoka and Maul

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Here are my painted versions of the latest three miniatures released for Star Wars Imperial Assault: Emperor Palpatine, Ahsoka Tano and Maul. 




I can feel my enthusiasm for Imperial Assaultdying a little bit more each day. When it first came out in 2014, I couldn't have been more excited. Star Wars was finally getting the deluxe war-game treatment: good sculpting, innovative rules, and the support of a tried-and-true gaming company in Fantasy Flight Games. I invested a lot of time, energy and love into collecting, painting and converting the miniatures.

It quickly became evident that the situation wasn't perfect. The miniatures were made out of cheaper, bendier plastic. The game play focused on unknown Rebel characters rather than the beloved heroes from the movies or TV shows. And new figures arrived at a glacial pace, leaving lots of holes in the cast (In fact, because Imperial Assault coincides with a raft of new movies and TV shows, charismatic new characters appear in the Star Wars universe much faster than the sculptors sculpt. As a result, with every year that goes by, there's a bigger deficit of miniatures. It reminds me of Tristram Shandy, who wrote his autobiography at a slower rate than he lived his life, so that the longer he lived, the further behind he lagged in his writing).

Underlying all of these problems is Fantasy Flight Games' rigid approach to gaming. They keep each miniature closely bonded to the rules, with character specific cards and counters. Miniature development is slow because the miniatures are subordinate to games development. 

But, even with these downsides, Imperial Assault seemed worth the investment -- especially since it was the only game in town if you wanted to paint a lot of Star Wars miniatures. But Fantasy Flight Games has just continued to disappoint me, and now I feel pretty listless about the whole thing. The quality of miniature became inconsistent. And the slow pace of new releases stuttered to almost nothing in the past year. For instance, the only character from the original trilogy released in 2017 was Emperor Palpatine.

And then Fantasy Flight Games announced that they were producing a new Star Wars war-game with better quality miniatures. Star Wars Legion should have been excellent news. Thirty years ago, Games Workshop showed how much fun it can be when a company releases many different games set in the same general universe. The hobbyist's opportunities for creativity multiply as he or she re-purposes, converts and assembles miniatures in various combinations. Mutually complementary games means more miniatures, more variety, and more reward for the miniature painter (who can paint one miniature and then use it in two, three, or four games). And so, at first, I thought that Star Wars Legions was the answer to many of the problems be-deviling Imperial Assault.

Nope. Fantasy Flight Games decided that they would make Legions in a slightly different scale than Imperial Assault. They are just different enough that setting miniatures from the two games together looks awkward and silly. The message was clear: There is only one way to enjoy our products: in silos. 

That, of course, is their prerogative. But that's where I check out. I like this hobby because painting gives me a sense of freedom and plenitude. I feel like a rich man when I paint a Skaven and can then use him for Warhammer Fantasy Battle, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, Advanced Heroquest  and Mordheim (not to mention D&D, Descent, Frostgrave or any number of generic fantasy games). That a gaming company would do its best to foil that sort of fun seems sad. More to be pitied than scorned.

So I just don't know what more I'll paint in the Imperial Assault range. I guess I'll just play it by ear. But, to quote Catullus, my love for the game has cacked it, uelut pratiultimi flos, praetereunte postquam tactus aratro est.


Emperor Palpatine, painted miniature sculpted by Niklas Norman, 2017


For all my whinging, I did enjoy painting Palpatine. I love his face, with its bluish pancake make-up, red-rimmed eyes and yellow teeth. Jeepers, the man rules an entire galactic empire but can't find a dentist. The sculptor, Niklas Norman, created an ambiguous expression that a painter can pull into a grimace or smile. I went for the smile. I always thought that Palpatine was a hundred times creepier when he looked happy.


Ahsoka Tano, painted miniature sculpted by Adam Martin, 2017


Above we have Ahsoka Tano, the erstwhile Jedi from The Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels. I'm pleased that the sculptor, Adam Martin, opted to give her more realistic features, rather than giving her a cartoon-like proportions that mirror her appearance on the animated shows (In contradistinction, see the miniature for Hera Syndulla -- her sculptor, Gabriel Comin, made her look much too much like an animated cartoon).


Ahsoka Tano, painted miniature sculpted by Adam Martin, 2017


In general, Ahsoka is a lovely miniature, with a dynamic pose and good detail. I did, however, have to replace her bendy-lightsabers with copper wire.


Maul, painted miniature sculpted by Cory DeVore, 2017


Above is the miniature for "Maul, Seeker of Vengeance". He's sculpted by Cory DeVore, which means that each of the three miniatures in this post had different sculptors. There are so many different sculptors in Imperial Assault that there's no consistency and you never know what you're going to get. And what we got here is an awkward and unimpressive pose: bum thrust out, arms extended, torso tilted. Get this man a chiropractor. I honestly don't know how you screw up Darth Maul, who's such a naturally terrifying figure... but somehow they managed to do it.

Oh Imperial Assault, you break my heart.



Chaos Goblin Mutants part I

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The C27 Chaos Goblin Mutants were sculpted for Citadel by Alan and Michael Perry in 1984.  They are ten solid-base models, each with a splendid sense of character. Sadly, it's an underappreciated range -- perhaps owing to the fact that they weren't originally designed for Warhammer at all, but rather for role-playing games. That's certainly what the advert for them in the Second Citadel Compendium (1984) suggests:
"Mutated monstrosities of vile appearance, should be enough to surprise even the most zoologically aware adventurers."
And scholars of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay know that there's a three-legged mutant goblin in a circus freak-show ("Doctor Malthusius' Zoocopeia")in Shadows over Bogenhafen (1987). In fact, this scrawny and unfortunate gobbo plays an important part in kicking off the action when he makes a break for freedom. After that, Mutant goblins did make a couple sneaky appearances in Warhammer Fantasy Battle. We see a two-headed fellow getting trepanned on the cover of the Orange Bible, i.e. Warhammer Fantasy Battle 3rd edition (1987):



Notwithstanding this star-billing, Mutant Goblins barely made it into the game itself. They snuck into Warhammer Armies (1988), but only as an afterthought in the Chaos Ally Contingent. And after that, they sunk from the rules. 


I guess they really are "scorned outcasts", as per the description in the box above. Well, I like my outcasts scorned, my creatures unwholesome and my whims heeded. Let's take a look at these blighters!


Spiky Shaman, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


First up is the C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant "Spiky Shaman". Undoubtedly, it was this evil-eyed albino that first brought the Chaos taint on his goblin tribe. Because he craved personal power (or perhaps because his clan was seen by the neighbouring orc tribes as a delicacy), he turned to worshiping the Ruinous Powers. They next thing you know, there are spikes growing out of your back and people start calling you "sir".

Twins, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Above we see "Twins". I tried to give each of his faces a distinct personality. To me, they look a little like Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathau from the Odd Couple (1968).

Mace-tail, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Here is "Mace-tail". His friends call him that because he has a mace for a tail. Goblins are very literal minded folks. I like this model's tusk like teeth. It's details like that that make this range so much fun.

Horns, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Above is "Horns". I'm no great shakes at free-hand painting, but I did enjoy giving him and his friends a simple chaos symbol ("The Arrows of Chaos"). This particular miniature was beginning to get some lead-rot when I painted him, giving the final product a pebbly-texture. I hope he doesn't decay further now that he's safely entombed in a few layers of acrylic and varnish.

Three Eyes, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


And our final miniature today is one of my favourites, "Three-Eyes". Besides the third eye, I love the skull-like face that the Perrys gave him -- no to mention his skulking demeanour.

Well, I hope this was enough to surprise even the most zoologically aware adventurers. Next week we'll look at the last five miniatures in the range. In the meantime, I encourage you to check out the work of other painters who have tackled these mutants, like JiNNai and Goblin Lee and Don Hans.



Consider the Solid Base Miniature... aka Chaos Goblin Mutants part II

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Here are the final five C27 Chaos Goblin Mutants produced by Citadel and sculpted by the Perry Twins in 1984 (I profiled the first five miniatures in my last post).




One of the reasons these are such engaging sculpts is because they are made in the old style, with solid bases that are part of the miniature and sit flat on the table. These are sometimes called integral bases or broccoli bases. But whatever you call them, they are the mark of a truly vintage Citadel miniature. It was in 1985 that Citadel permanently transitioned away from solid base miniatures in favour of slotta-base miniatures (which, of course, have a tab on the bottom that slots into a separate plastic base).

I suppose you wouldn't know on first glance that my Chaos Goblin Mutants are solid base, since I've mounted mine on 20mm bases so that they'll blend in with the rest of my collection. But to my eye, they have an unmistakably solid-base feel: a rounded, three-dimensional quality that stands in distinction to the flat style of sculpting that accompanies many slotta base miniatures. This flatness arises from the fact that the sculptor has to work within the constraints of the mold. Since the mold is chiefly occupied by the long, lateral span of the miniature's slot, the rest of the model has to follow that line.

Now before you reach for your pitchforks and torches in order to run the slotta base out of the village, remember all the good things it has done for us. In fact, the case for the slotta base was first made in the pages of The Citadel Journal Spring 85, where Citadel introduced the change. The Journal points out that there are several advantages to slotta bases. First, they save a lot of metal, which should make the miniatures cheaper. Well, perhaps, but the consumer never noticed these savings. For example, the costs of a single solid-base Citadel wizard in 1984 was 40p, whereas in 1985 a slotta-base wizard would run you 60p. But, money aside, there are technical advantages to slotta sculpting. As The Journal said:
...freeing the model from the base allows are sculptors to use a whole new range of positions and other features. Having an integral base on the miniature has always imposed certain restrictions about the way the arms could be positioned, for example, whilst cloaks had always to be modelled so that they reached the ground.
You can see some of the drawbacks of solid-base miniatures in my own Goblin Mutants. For example, the wings of the Winged Goblin are joined to the ground in a single mass. So I accept that slotta bases freed us from the compact, trunk-like designs of the solid base. But slottas also imposed a new tyranny: laterally designed miniatures where all the limbs spread along the axis of the underlying slot. The best miniature designs transcended the limitations of slotta-sculpting, but many mediocre designs did not (ahem, cough, cough, Marauder Miniatures).

So what do you think: Slotta or solid? CDs or vinyl? Scotch or bourbon? Well, as you're mulling that over, here are the Chaos Goblin Mutants...

Wings, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Above is C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant "Wings" or "Wingback" (depending on the advert). I love the devilish details: the cloven hooves, the horns and the evil expression.


Hopper, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Here is "Hopper". Not to be confused with the sheriff of Hawkins, Indiana.


Beast, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Here is "Beast", not to be confused with the X-man, the lover of "Beauty", the trojan horse, the novel by Peter Benchley, the novel by John Crowley, the novel by Ally Kennen, the South Korean boy band, the British sit-com or the villain from He-Man, Master of the Universe.


Long Neck, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


Above we have the mutant "Long Neck". I'll give you three guesses what his mutation is.


Plague, Citadel C27 Chaos Goblin Mutant, sculpted by the Perry Bros, 1984


And finally, my very favourite, the runt of the litter... here is "Plague". I always relish an opportunity to paint eczema


Thanks for looking!



Painted miniatures for the Fallout board game

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Hello fellow Vault Dwellers! I've finished painting the five characters for the Fallout board game. We have the Mutant, the Ghoul, the Vault Dweller, the Scavenger and the Brotherhood Exile. Each survivor is roughly 30mm in scale and modeled out of the semi-satisfactory plastic that thrives in board games published by Fantasy Flight Games.

Like anyone who was old enough to left-click on a mouse in 1997, I fell in love with the original Fallout computer game. There was the splendid isometric (or trimetric?) graphics, the wide sand-box of a world, the deep character development. This was all splendid but if that was all was offering, it would perhaps have been overshadowed just one year later by Black Isle Studio's other flagship game, Baldur's Gate (1998). But what made Fallout truly special was its sense of humor.

For a post-apocalyptic world, it wasn't merely Mad-Max or The Omega Man. It was (in the surprisingly accurate words of Wikipedia)  an "atompunk retrofuturistic setting and artwork are influenced by the post-war culture of 1950s America". Like the best work of David Lynch, Fallout makes you see two images at the same time: the picture perfect American dream of wholesome progress, and the self-destructive amorality seething beneath the Norman Rockwell facade. But unlike David Lynch (or Norman Rockwell), Fallout has gatling lasers.

If you haven't played fallout and don't know exactly what I mean, all of this is encapsulated into the excellent little introduction video to the original Fallout (or, for that matter, the introduction video to Fallout 2). It's all there: the sappy music (Ink Spots, Satchmo, Bing Crosby), the cheery visage of the "Vault Boy", the consumerism, and -- of course -- the desolation. I never got around to playing the more recent versions of the computer games, but when I heard that there was a board game coming, I jumped to buy it.

I'm happy to report that the game is a worthy scion of its mighty ancestors. It might not quite have as mordant a sense of humor, but it makes up for it by creating a story-driven game with cascading moral choices, criss-crossing plots and a real sense of setting. As an added bonus, it plays just as well solo as it does with three or four players. And it's the only game I know of where you're character gets addicted to drugs. So let's look at the five survivors...

Painted miniature of the Vault Dweller, Fallout Board Game


First up is the Vault Dweller... one of the lucky few who survived the nuclear holocaust unscathed by hiding in a self-sustaining bomb shelter. Thus he wears the distinctive blue and yellow Vault Suit. However, it appears he's been wandering above ground for a little while, because over his jumpsuit are fragments of more primitive armour: metal plates, leather straps and rivets. I also like his beaten up rifle (or is it a Red Ryder BB Gun?).

Painted miniature of the Ghoul, Fallout Board Game


Next we have the Ghoul. In the world of Fallout, Ghouls are not so much undead as they are undying. They're humans that were so ravaged by radiation that even though their skin and flesh was flayed away, their metabolism mutated in such a way as to not only keep them alive but to greatly extend their lifespan. This miniature nicely encapsulates the tragedy of Ghouldom. The natty suit indicates a concern for civilized niceties, but the nightmarish face is sure to be shunned by all.


Painted miniature of the Mutant, Fallout Board Game


And then there's the Mutant. I wanted to make him look truly freakish, so I painted his skin the colour of a blue Freezie.

Painted miniature of the Brotherhood Exile, Fallout Board Game


Above is the Brotherhood Exile. He wears the distinctive power armour of the Brotherhood of Steel, a sort of religio-technical community of templar wannabes. I tried to give his armour a slightly worn feeling without going rust crazy.

Painted miniature of the Scavenger, Fallout Board Game


And finally, we have the Scavenger. She is, by far, my favourite: I like her insouciant pose, the expression on her face, and the details in her model. I wanted to really bring out the motley in her outfit, so the first thing I did was give her a pink poodle skirt of the kind that was popular in the 1950's. To this I added woolen work socks, a denim vest and a camouflage head-scarf. I'm happy with how it turned out. It's a strange day when a man says to himself, "Yes! I finally nailed that poodle skirt!"


Painted miniatures for Fallout Board Game FFG


Thanks for dropping by!


The Good, the Bad and the Stubbly

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Last weekend I ran my first wargame for the public. I was attending Hot Lead (Canada's finest miniature wargame convention), and decided at the last minute to put on a game because I heard that they were a little thin on the first night of festivities. The game on Friday went so well that I was asked to put on the "staff game" for Saturday evening. This is an off-menu game that the guys who run Hot Lead play together once the heavy lifting of the conference is over. By custom, it's a pretty raucous affair, with plenty of drink, trash-talk and drink. For me, this was a big honour.



The game I ran was a heavily modified game of Dead Man's Hand using the small battle-board I created to represent the Old West town of Cremation. I called the scenario "The Good, the Bad and the Stubbly." I had to simplify  the rules of Dead Man's Hand so that it would be easier to learn and more suitable for 5 or 6 players. The way I designed the game, each player would control a gang of five miniatures, including one boss and one sharp-shooting lieutenant. 

Criminal mastermind Rector Riggles
The rules modification that I'm most proud of was the system I devised for activation. The original version of DMH uses playing cards to activate individual miniatures, with higher ranking cards activating miniatures first. I liked this system because the playing cards accentuate the Wild West flavour. But I wanted to take it even further. So, I created a new system where the players don't get dealt a random hand of cards with which to activate all of their miniatures. Rather, in my version, the players have to earn their activation cards. They do this by playing a quick game of Blackjack at the start of each turn. Each card they are dealt in the Blackjack game is then used to activate one figure. If a player goes bust in the Blackjack round (i.e. goes over 21), then they lose the card that busted them, plus their lowest other card. If a player hits Blackjack itself (i.e. hits exactly 21) then as a reward they gain an extra card in addition to all the ones that helped them win.

This Blackjack modification worked splendidly. It was quick, and added a spicy element of risk to the simple matter of initiative. A player was assured of activating two of his five miniatures if he played conservatively. But if a player was dealt (let's say) a King-of-Diamonds and a Two-of-Spades, he could gamble for a third activation at risk of busting out. Another advantage of this initiative system is that it contains internal balancing mechanisms. A player might get all five activations if he was dealt a large number of low cards. Although that's good in terms of mobilizing your men, it's bad because all these men are moving late in the round, and DMH is a game where a low initiative is a deadly disadvantage (aka, you're slow on the draw). On the other hand, characters with just two cards will usually be going earlier in the round.

The other element that I added to the game was to create a scenario that involved role-playing elements, with over 20 civilians that the players could interact with in order to obtain victory points or other benefits. I drew up an elabourate spread-sheet, so that every time a player's miniature encountered a civilian, he was given two choices, each with very different consequences. For instance, here's my entry for the town doctor, Dr. Friendly:


The basic scenario is that the sheriff of Cremation, Daniel "Dapper Dan" Alabama has captured the infamous crime-lord Rector Riggles, and is holding him in a cell in his office. One player manages Dapper Dan and his deputies. The other four players control the four outlaw bands who used to work for Rector. They converge on the town but have a lot of options for what to do when they get there: free Rector? kill him? Rob the bank? Terrorize the citizenry? Visit the cat-house? Shoot each other? 

Dr. Friendly meets the outlaw Eli Coffen

In order to get the players used to the idea of interacting with the townsfolk, I wrote up a bunch of random rumours about the town and passed them out at the beginning of the game. This one was my favourite:
I don't want to sound crazy, but I've heard tell that there's a mule in town who can talk. A real live talking mule, just like they have in Yerup! Otis' boy told me that the mule was real smart. 

The staff game on Saturday night was a riot. The outlaws largely ignored Dapper Dan and his captive, instead opting for senseless internecine feuding. Nuns were shot, mules were interrogated, banks robbed and buried treasure discovered. One deputy made a daring run across a corpse-strewn street in order to get Dapper Dan a can of that hair pomade that he likes so much. Even Dr. Friendly got a corpse for his medical experiments. When the dust settled, the winner was James, who is the proprietor of the wargaming blog Rabbits in my Basement and the Chairman of Hot Lead.

Well enough jawing. Here are some pictures taken by Matthew O., my friend and play-tester...


The Game Master hams it up for the players.


Cremation before the carnage starts.


Dapper Dan and his deputies outside the county jail


A table full of activation cards!


Bad Bart tries to kill some goats (?) because a talking mule (??) promised him 3 wishes (???).


The winning team: Diego's Desperados!


A big thanks to the Hot Lead team!


My appreciation goes to all the players, and especially to my play-testers (Stephen, Matthew O., David, Peter, and Travis) who greatly helped me to refine the game for public consumption, and Konrad for moral support.


Lost Artifacts of D&D: a failed saving throw against nostalgia

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To the consternation of some of my close friends, I lost interest in playing D&D. My enthusiasm for role-playing was cannibalized by miniature painting and board games. But the one thing I deeply miss about D&D is the artifacts. Not the "Artifacts" (like the Eye of Vecna) that lurked in the back of the 1st edition Dungeons Masters Guide (although I guess I miss those too), but the artifacts that we the players created: the maps, the notebooks, sketches and letters that we used to illustrate and embroider the game.


Last week, I was going through some of my papers and found one such document: a hand-bound book that my friend Beth made for me and that I used to record the adventures of my longest lived character, a Samurai named Jiun. I played him from about 2003 to 2007. A great deal of my enjoyment of this character flowed from this notebook: as the character's diary, it gave me a venue to explore his idiosyncratic world-view, inspired by Japanese warriors and poets like Ikkyu, Uesugi Kenshin and especially Tesshu, who developed a whole philosophy of violence around "the sword of no-sword". 

You can see Jiun's self-portrait from this notebook in the picture above. This sketch is clearly influenced by the model for the Samurai from the Talisman Adventure(sculpted by Aly Morrison, 1986):



Perhaps my favourite part of Jiun was that he had a Bertie-and-Jeeves type of relationship with his elderly manservant, Master Ryokan (a character influenced by the real-life Zen monk of the same name). I imagined Ryokan as more than an retainer who followed Jiun into exile into the western lands: he was a surrogate father who had trained Jiun in swordplay, poetry and meditation since earliest childhood. Below, is a sketch of Ryokan from Jiun's notebook. Coincidentally, he bears a close resemblance to my own Zen teacher, Yangil Sunim, with whom I have my own Bertie-and-Jeeves type relationship (although it's unclear to me who is who in our comic routine).





The notebook gave me a chance to record out group's adventures as Jiun would have seen them. This chiefly involved a lot of poetry, and sometimes little dialogues between Jiun and Master Ryokan...




Jiun's sketches and poetry loosely refer to some of the interests that I had at the time (and still have): calligraphy, Zen literature and Chinese painting. While rolling dice in our game, I would also be flipping through books like the Mustard Seed Garden Manual of Painting (1679).




The notebook also gave me an excuse to engage in one of my favourite activities: cartography. Of the many gifts that J.R.R. Tokien has given to us, the joy of fantasy map-making is not the least.




My group and I had an eclectic campaign: although we were playing D&D 3.5, many of the adventures incorporated elements from Michael Moorcock, Mervyn Peake, Star Wars and H.P. Lovecraft. It was a big jolly mess. For instance, here's a page from our rendition of A Rough Night at the Three Feathers, the greatest Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay scenario every written:




There is a real magic to artifacts like Jiun's notebook. I've spent so many good hours role-playing with my friends. And yet, with the passing of the years, almost all of that time has slipped away: the dramatic battles, the petty arguments, the unlikely escapes, the painful losses. You just sort of forget all of these unforgettable moments. Or at least, you forget them until you find one of these artifacts, and you feel the magic return to life.






Painted Miniatures for Mice and Mystics

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I'm having a good couple days. I just had my birthday, and a few days before that, I clocked 500,000 hits on Oldenhammer-in-Toronto. This old blerg has come a long way since my first tentative posts about the Golden Age of Citadel Miniatures and acne. Thanks to all you readers and friends (many of whom have been with me for years now). And thanks also to the mysterious bots from Israel and Russia, who seem to become possessed of a frenzied desire to tap on my site in the thousands every few months or so.

This week's project is the heroes from Mice and Mysticsby Plaid Hat Games. For those of you who have not encountered this delightful game, it's a cooperative dungeon-crawl where 1-4 players control a band of mice heroes. The play combines a rich story, an absorbing setting and a simple but challenging set of rules. Over the course of the campaign, your characters accrue new skills and struggle to obtain (and hold on to!) valuable artifacts (like a sewing needle rapier or a shield made from a button). Although there's a homey fairy-tale quality to the game, it's spiced up with exciting combat and real peril... for example, when I played the full campaign, all my mice drowned in the final climactic catastrophe. 

For those of you who are looking for something simpler than Descent and with better solo-play than Advanced Heroquest, I can't recommend this game highly enough. Of course, the figures are merely board-game quality, being made out of bendy plastic. As a result, my paint-job was pretty fast loose. Well... they could be worse... they could be my speed-painted miniatures from Mansions of Madness (shudder).

Well, without further ado, here are the six heroes...


Prince Collin painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Prince Collin the Leader


Filch painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Filch the Scamp


Nez painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Nez the Tinkerer


Tilda painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Tilda the Healer

Maginos painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Maginos the Mystic


Lily painted miniature for Mice and Mystics
Lily the Archer


I suppose animal heroes will soon be all the fashion, now that Osprey has just published a promising skirmish game called Burrows and Badgers. It's like The Wind in the Willows, but with spiked clubs.

Well, in any case, next week we'll take a look at some of the monsters from Mice and Mystics. Thanks for stopping by!


Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie,
O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
        --  "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns (1785)


A Public Service Announcement about Sex Cults and Bad Latin

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Mind control, human slavery and brainwashing are all bad of course, but do you know what really aggravates me? Bad Latin. Recently, I've been reading a lot about the alleged sex cult DOS. It's in the news because its two leaders (Keith Raniere and the actress Allison Mack, aka "Chloe Sullivan" from Smallville) have been arrested in New York on a variety of horrendous charges including sex trafficking. In nearly every story on the case, we are told that DOS stands for "Dominus Obsequious Sororium", and that this translates as "Master of the Slave Women".




I'm issuing a public service announcement. For the record, “dominus obsequious sororium” is not Latin for “master over the slave women”. It’s pseudo-Latin (substantially worse than Monty Python's “Romanes eunt domus”). Let's break it down like a Centurion would...

“Dominus” is the correct word for “master”. We can give them that.

“Obsequious” is not a Latin word at all – it is perhaps a sadly misconceived variant of the deponent verb “obsequor” (to be pliant). Even granting this bastardization, the adjective agrees (in the grammatical sense) with “dominus”, which indicates that it is the *dominus* and not the *sororium* that is the pliant one.

“Sororium” is a misspelling of the genitive plural of “soror” (sister). The proper spelling is “sororum” without the “i”. Sororum means “of the sisters”.

So, putting it all together, if you had to render “dominus obsequious sororium” into English, it would be...
“plianticulous master of the sisterrrss”

I hope these people were better at running a cult than they were at Latin grammar.


Quo usque tandem abutere, Allison Mack, patientia nostra?

POSTSCRIPT: I'm annoyed that no one in the media took a few moments to consult with a classicist in order to nail down what this Latin actually meant. After all, it was a source within the cult who came up with both the Latin and the translation. Why would you take a cult's word on anything, let alone paleolinguistics? Shouldn't you be fact-checking that? 

In my zeal to find the origin for the mis-translation, I tracked down the Affidavit of FBI Special Agent Michael Lever, which supported the arrest of Raniere. This seems to be the first publicly available statement that DOS = dominus obsequious sororium = master of the slave women.  But, interestingly to me, Agent Lever includes a footnote to this passage which reads as follows:
According to various sources of information, DOS stands for "Dominus Obsequious Sororium", which at least one DOS slave was told by her master translates to "Master Over the Slave Women." According to a Latin expert I consulted, this phrase is broken Latin ("obsequious" is an English word and the Latin would properly be "obscquicsarum" and "sororium" would properly be "sororum"), but roughly translates to "Lord/Master of the Obedient Female Companions".
Well, I'm glad the FBI cares about getting the details right, even if the media can't be arsed. In any case, stay tuned for more cranky sex-cult/Latin-grammar updates as affairs develop and circumstances may require. 





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